What it means to grow up as a boy
If you are reading this, chances are that you are a young man between ages 16 to 21 that grew up in the early 2000s. If you live in North America, the chance that you grew up with divorced parents has surpassed the odds of a coinflip. Since this sounds bad, you may start to think that you were lucky to have parents that remained together or at least kept contact with each other, either because they did not have any hard feelings held against the other or because they both want to support and raise you as you should be. It is necessary to point this out because nearly a third of North American households lack a father figure to take responsibility and care for the children. This post is mostly addressed to this boy that fits into this last category, that of fatherless boys that did not grow up with a positive masculine figure in their life. Although on paper, it does not sound so bad to grow up with only a mom. Hell, you regrettably have not known anything else until this point in your life. On the other hand, I am willing to bet that at some point in your teenage years you felt you could not share something with your mom, boy things because you feared that she would not understand. Do not get me wrong, single mothers can be great at explaining mathematics, help with homework, etc. but there is one thing they cannot do: they cannot teach their boys how to be boys, and this hurts young men like yourself who find themselves stuck without a way of expressing the concerns that are proper to their gender. It may be that you have found another way of trying to fill the void left by your father, such as drowning yourself in YouTube videos, online browsing, and video games to name a few, but there is one thing you can know for sure: you cannot let your sons suffer through what you have been subject to. You need to be there for him, support him, and understand him so that the cycle of horror finally ends.
From a father’s perspective
When you think about it, how often do you think kids stay with their mothers after a divorce, and what effects do you think the lack of a father has on the children, more specifically the boys? Girls have an easier time relating to their mothers as they are the same gender, but in the case of divorce where the sons end up living with their moms, who do they have to relate to? Back when the women’s movement came around, the purpose of women was transformed from having one option being raising children to either doing that, raising money or somehow managing to do both at the same time. The same type of movement was never done for men, so the idea of purpose given to men remains the same: make money, or you’re a failure. By putting it this way, it really seems silly and it obviously isn’t true. Fathers can provide for a family in other ways than making money. They can raise children just as well as mothers, but society hasn’t given them the chance. Society has brainwashed men into thinking about themselves and their careers only so that they can maintain their reputation as strong and reliable. As a consequence, they’re blinded by another very important aspect of life: their family. Our point is that both of these examples cause fathers to not be present in their sons’ lives, which is one of the leading causes of suicide for young men. If by any chance you are a father reading this, or someone who wishes to become a father, you need to be there for your children, especially your sons who need you the most, and you need to raise them with as much love as mothers provide.
As always, if you need anyone to talk to, that’s what we’re here for. You can leave a comment on our blog or contact us on Instagram or Facebook if you are seeking help. Feel free to share this blog post so that we can further spread the word about men’s mental health.
Sources:
TEDxTalks. “The Boy Crisis: A Sobering Look at the State of Our Boys | Warren Farrell Ph.D. | TEDxMarin.” YouTube, YouTube, 19 Oct. 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi1oN1icAYc
Farrell, Warren, and John Gray. “Dad-Deprived Boys Versus Dad-Enriched Boys” The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do about It, BenBella Books, Dallas, TX, 2019.
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